Fanfic Drabble: Play A Game

Summary:
Christian is ready to give up after Syed leaves him. But maybe there is something worth fighting for. Set after the ILYs.

Couple:
Christian Clark/Syed Masood; Chryed (Eastenders)

Word Count:
733

Language: English

Play A Game

He tried to stop crying. He really tried. He tried it since the minute Syed had told him that it was over. That they were over. He still couldn’t believe that all this has happened. In one second they were confessing to each other how much they loved each other and in the next everything just fell apart. It felt like a big nightmare. Like a big terrible nightmare.

But it was no nightmare. It was the cruel reality. He had lost him. Just after he had the smallest glimpse of heaven. Just after he could believe for one second that maybe, just maybe everything could be alright. That maybe there was a chance for his happy ending.

Angry he wiped away the stream of tears. He wanted to stop. He tried to force the tears to stop but there was no way. They always found a way back to the surface. He couldn’t believe that it hurt so much. It was the first time he was completely, totally in love and he just couldn’t believe how much this actually hurt. When this was what love would bring then he would happily live without any trace of love in his life in future.

But who did he want to kid? He would do all the same over and over again. He would make every single mistake again. He would let this dark haired boy in his life again. He would do everything exactly the same. Because he knew that he was worth it. He was more than worth it.

Even if he didn’t feel the same for him. Love. He knew that it was a cruel coincidence that of all men in this world he fell in love with this guy who would never love him back. It was cruel, it was painful. But mostly it was ironic. James sometimes said that he didn’t believe that there was one man on earth who could bring Christian Clarke to commit. But this man existed. It was just this one man who had the key to his heart. And he didn’t even want Christian to commit. Ironic.

But why did Syed all this? Why did he continue to come back to him? Why did all this happen? What was his agenda? Was it curiosity? Was it cruelness? No, Christian couldn’t believe this.

He just had to think about all these tiny little things Syed did for him. Like when he made the coffee for the two of them in the mornings. He knew exactly how Christian would drink it. Or when Syed looked into his eyes. Gently stroking over his cheek. No, he couldn’t just play this tenderness. It has to be real.

Or this tiny little moment when he confessed that he loved Christian. When he closed his eyes Christian could almost hear his voice again.

“I…” Silence.

“I love you, Christian.” His voice was so low. Almost a whisper. But he spoke with so many emotions in his voice. Like his heart on the tip of his tongue. And when their eyes met Christian had felt like his body was burning. It was as if he could look right into Syed’s heart. And all he could see there was love. Unconditional and deep love.

“I really love you, Christian.”

No. With another furious movement he wiped away all the tears from his cheeks. No, he couldn’t believe it. He refused to believe it. It was no mistake. Their love to each other existed. It always had. And he knew that this love was nothing mediocre. It was something special. It was this once in a lifetime love. This all changing and turning your life upside down love.

He knew that he never loved anyone else in this world like he loved Syed. And deep down in heart he knew that Syed felt the same.

All he had to do now was to show him that he was not willing to give it up. To give up what they had. He had to make him see that there was no other way. For both of them. Their fate were entwined. From now to eternity. And nothing in the world could change it. No religion, believes, families or anything else. Syed just needed to see.

They belonged together. And they always would.