Fanfic: Letters To A Stranger

Summary:
Weizhou felt like he was lying, lying all the time and he hated it with every fibre of his being.
Suddenly a fan message changes his life forever…

Couple:
Huang Jingyu/Xu Weizhou (Addicted)

Word Count:
1587

Language:
English

Status:
Abandoned

Prologue: Help me, my heart is breaking

He threw his bag straight onto the tiny couch that stood in the corner of his hotel suite. He didn’t care that half of it’s content spilled out and hit the floor with a low thump. He just didn’t care at all anymore.

Weizhou had spent the whole day with reporters asking him ten thousand questions and he felt exhausted. Exhausted and somehow frustrated, but he was not even sure where this frustration came from. It was somehow funny that a lot of the questions these reporters were asking were indirectly about Addicted. But due to the ban they were not able to openly ask about anything related to the webseries and so they started this weird dance with him. Always around the topic but never really saying anything.

Weizhou felt like the master of innuendos these days as he never felt able to really speak his mind. He was never able to express what he really thought or felt regarding everything relating Addicted or even his personal life. He had built this fake persona all around him and on some days it felt like this second skin was becoming too tight and all he wanted was to burst free.

He flopped down on the bed and started nibbling on the crisps his assistant had left on his bedside table. He was not hungry at all but he didn’t know what else to do with his hands. Again he cursed everyone who was against smoking inside hotel rooms and for a split second he was contemplating to just say fuck it and light a cigarette right in here. But he was not that much of a diva, so the crisps had to do.

For a second he sat there staring into space before he shook his head and got up again. He went into the bathroom and slowly took off all his clothes before hopping into the shower. Maybe the water would be able to clear his head…

Unfortunately it didn’t seem to help much at all and his mood was still the same once he was sitting in some clean track suit bottoms on the hotel bed. Weizhou didn’t know what to do with himself right now. He was suppose to sleep as tomorrow would be another day full of travelling, answering questions and smiling this empty smile while hoping no one would notice…

A sudden beep on his phone made him look up. It was a message from Chenwen. It was nothing really, just a short anecdote of his day, but Weizhou couldn’t help but smile. A real smile that even reached his eyes. Chenwen always reminded him of an easier time. When things were not so complicated. When Weizhou still thought that he could make a difference. That things would change. Oh how naïve he was…

While checking the rest of the messages he received while being in the bathroom, he decided to just have a quick peek into his fan messages. He received tons of them and somehow he was glad that these days his fans send him direct messages and no mail anymore. He chuckled while thinking about the poor mailman who would have otherwise been quiet busy.

He loved his fans and even though he was not able to read each and every message as there were just too many for one Weizhou to read, he still tried to read as many of them as he could. He felt so privileged that there were people out there who thought about him and even took the time to write to him. He didn’t know any of them but somehow it seemed that he was having an impact on their life and Weizhou always marvelled about this being possible.

Most of his fan messages were in Chinese. He was not surprised as he was mainly known in Asia. His English was still not very good and by no means anywhere good enough to even think about making a break world wide. But he was still trying to learn. Weizhou always had been a studious person and he hated the fact that he couldn’t communicate well enough with so many people out there.

He took a minute to scroll through the messages and started reading a few. Most of them were about his last concerts and how much his songs meant to his fans. He was always touched by the love that his fans sent him. But even more messages were about Addicted and about….

He stopped and closed his eyes for a second. Here it was again… Addicted and Jingyu… He had tried the whole day to just ignore the name, but here in the privacy of his hotel room, being just by himself, he was finally giving in. He let the name wash over him like a wave and before he knew it, he saw his face right in front of him. Jingyu’s smile, the tiny sparkle in his eyes and the way his eyebrows moved in the most expressive way Weizhou had ever seen…

Oh god, how much he missed him….

It had been a year since Addicted had been banned and a year of them not being able to be seen together. Weizhou knew that it was for the best, but he still couldn’t help his feelings. Even after a whole year.

He opened up the next message and again the message was full of praise for him and Jingyu. This fan wanted to know about their relationship and she expressed how much she hoped for them to be happy… He snorted shortly and shook his head again.

The next message was similar. It was about Addicted, about Yu and about their chemistry, especially in the BTS videos. Weizhou laughed bitterly. Yes, their chemistry had been strong right from the beginning. From the moment he had laid eyes on Jingyu he knew that he was lost…

Another message popped up and this fan was asking about his relationship status and if he wanted to have a girlfriend or a boyfriend and what he preferred. Zhou hated these questions. He would never be able to answer them truthfully. His mind went back to the day. To all the questions the reporters had asked him and him just answering with half truths and some right out lies.

It frustrated him so much. He wanted to be able telling the truth but he knew that this was impossible. He never wanted to lie. Weizhou always had wanted to be a role model, be someone other guys like him could look up to. To show them: Hey, it gets better…

But right now he was not a role model for anything. Maybe for being a total fake…

The next message popped up and Weizhou had to stop for a second. It was in English and it took him sometime to read through it. For some reason this message was different. There were no questions, no adoration for his looks or his voice. He continued to read through it and suddenly he had to stop. It felt like someone had ripped the carpet from underneath him and he was falling, falling hard.

“Thank you for being brave. Thank you for giving hope to a lot of young people in your country. It doesn’t matter about your own sexual orientation. But portraying such a character in this believable way hopefully will make it easier for some people who are still fighting their own feelings. I am sure that this all came at a high cost for you, so again let me thank you for everything you have done for the LGBTQ community.
Everything always starts with a first tiny step and I am sure that Addicted was such a step for China. …”

Weizhou didn’t know why this hit him so hard. They were just words, words on his telephone screen, written by someone he never met or even heard of. But somehow this message said everything that he always wanted to say. He felt a connection with the writer, even though he had trouble understanding every word. Somehow it was more about a feeling and there were no words needed.

He read the message again and noticed that it came from someone in the UK. That’s a long way to go for a Chinese webseries, he thought. Weizhou closed the message and continued to read the mainly Chinese messages from other fans. But somehow he felt drawn back to the tiny message from the UK.

All these questions, all these frustrations, all these lies… He suddenly felt like he couldn’t breath anymore. He was not a liar, he was not a coward, but somehow it seemed that he was exactly that after all.

Jingyu’s smile flashed again in front of his eyes and his heart beat quickened for a second. Weizhou closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

He opened the English message again and hit the reply button.

“Dear M…

My name is Xu Weizhou and I am gay…”

He hesitated for a second before continuing.

“I am gay and I am in love with my costar and best friend Huang Jingyu…”

Before even thinking about it again he hit the send button. Weizhou had no idea why he had done it or what had just happened. But he felt deep inside a form of freedom and peace he hadn’t felt in a long time. His fingers were shaking as he put the phone away and turned down the light.

He had no clue that he had just opened the box of the Pandora…