Fanfiction: Know You All Over Again; Chapter 3

Summary:
It had been a while since Korn finally moved out of their shared flat. Knock knew that it was the right decision after everything that happened.
And he was fine. Honestly, he was doing good. He didn’t miss the other man at all. Not one tiny bit… Honestly, not at all…

Couple:
Korn/Knock (Bad Romance, Together With Me; Max/Tul)

Word Count:
66103

Language:
English

Status:
Completed

Know You All Over Again: Chapter Three

His lips feel so hot on my skin that I am afraid I might be bursting into flames at any second. His hand is on my neck and it feels like I can finally breath again after months of suffocating.

He moves just further down, his kisses on my skin. The wet trails he leaves are all going down in one direction and I can’t wait for it to reach it’s final goal. I am almost giddy with anticipation.

I know that this is not good, but I can’t help it. He hot breath on my body is making all reasoning go out of the window.

For the first time in a long time I feel complete again. I am totally engulfed by him, his smell, his warmth, his love. And I am going to cling onto it like a drowning man to a life raft. I need him so bad and I need him right now….

……

The awkwardness between us is slowly leaving the room. We are still sitting next to each other, me playing Fifa against Cho, but instead of Yiwah and Korn just talking with each other, they are now completely involved in our game and have started cheering for us a while ago.

When Korn gave me the first encouraging slap on the back it felt so weird and somehow wrong, but it just took a tiny moment for us to fall into our old roles again. Best friends, lovers, partners.

And even though it breaks my heart to see how easy everything could be if I just could forget everything what happened, it feels like a little mini vacation from the nightmare my life is currently looking like.

So I am just letting this happen. I can’t fight it anymore. And here he is. In all his glory. The man that still holds my heart, even though I wished he didn’t.

It is just so easy. It’s like it was before. Us four hanging out together, doing stupid stuff and just chill out. I have missed this so much. I wasn’t even aware how much I did. But now, sitting here with them together, it feels like I can smile, like properly smile for the first time in ages.

It is just comfortable. Like an old sweater maybe. Comfortable and warm.

But as any old sweater, I know that it has to end eventually. There is just no lifetime guaranty for sweaters or relationships, I guess. Only for a little while longer. Maybe just another hour and I can go back to being miserable. But for now I just want to enjoy the warmth and this incredible feeling of home he gives me.

I am trying to concentrate on the game, but I am not doing the best of jobs here. His presence, as much as it comforts me, is also stirring something else in me.

Every once in a while I am trying to catch a little glimpse of the man next to me. He is too focused on everything going on, so he doesn’t notice me ogling him like a crazy person.

But for some reason it seems I have forgotten how beautiful he actually is. He looks a bit paler and thinner then he did before. But the white skin is contrasting so much with his black hair, that he almost glows. The white is just making the blackness of his eyes appear even deeper.

The few times I can catch a look of his smile I can feel my heart almost exploding in my chest. He is still the most perfect human I have ever laid eyes on. There is no question about that. He is just so…

Just looking at him is exciting and torturing me with the same amount.

I will never again be able to touch his skin… To drive my fingers over all these well defined muscle… To kiss these soft lips… My heart feels like breaking all over again.

I am trying to focus again on the game, but then Korn just moves slightly to get to his beer bottle and with this tiny movement a whiff of his cologne is blowing in my direction. And all my focus is gone again within a second.

It smells so much like home, I really would like to cry right now. I miss him so much. He is sitting right next to me, but I am missing him so much it hurts.

We continue with our evening and even though ever second feels like the sweetest torture I ever endured, I am not willing to just leave yet. I want him in my sight, I want him close to me, as close as socially acceptable.

Well, not really. But if I ever want to have some form of a friendship with him, I can’t do what I really would like to do right now. So calm down, little Knock. Nothing of this kind is going to happen tonight…

….

It’s about 11pm when Yiwah kicks Korn and me out of the flat. I can understand her. Apparently we just totally ruined Cho’s and her date night. But I don’t think they took it too bad. I am pretty sure they both also would love for Korn and me to finally get to a civilised level, so they don’t have to choose between their friends anymore. And somehow it feels like tonight was a very good start for that.

I am standing in the hallway of Cho’s appartment building now. I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to leave, I don’t want to go back to that empty flat that feels like a graveyard most of the time these days. I don’t want to leave him.

“Knock?” His voice is finally catching my attention. I look up and am met with these incredible black eyes all over again. I can feel myself biting my lips unconsciously. He just looks way to delicious right now.

“Hm?” is all I can bring out.

“I think I still have my tablet charger in the flat. Would you mind…?” He looks at me like a kicked puppy. Too scared that I might not allow him to come back to our… well, my flat.

“Course not. I am heading back right now. You can just come.” I try to be as casual as I can, but my heart is beating like a machine gun. Hart and fast.

We both fall into a comfortable silence next to each other while walking back over to the place that was once our secret hideaway from the world. It’s also the place where our relationship crashed and burned.

It feels a bit surreal going home with him. It’s something I have done countless times. And it’s really strange how quickly this feeling of normality, of familiarity is coming rushed back to me.

“How have you been?” Korn’s voice is still small and I know he is struggling.

“I’m good.” I lie. But what else can I do? Tell him, how much I love him and that I still cry myself to sleep more often then I care to admit? It’s true, but he doesn’t need to know that.

“You found a new job?” He is trying to keep the conversation afloat and just feeling his insecurity is making my heart ache. I just don’t understand myself anymore. I am so confused right now. He is confusing me. Just his sheer presence is driving me up the wall. What is happening?

“Aehm, yes. I am working for a friend of my father’s. He has quiet a big plastic factory. It’s nothing major interesting, but it pays the bills. And everyone is nice there, so it’s all good.” I am rambling on. I know I am rambling, but what else can I do?

I need time. I need time to think about what is going on here! I need some time alone, but just the thought of letting him out of my sight is killing me. I want him so bad right now. It physically hurts.

His voice still has the same velvety tone it always had, when he finally says something back. I have no clue what he is saying right now, as my focus is completely on my hand. The hand that just totally by accident bumped into his side. It was just a second, but I can still feel his warmth, his being on my skin.

My brain seems to totally malfunction right now. I don’t want.. I..

I just don’t know anything right now. I am feeling like my brain is throwing the biggest blank in world history. Why did I even fight with him in the first place? I don’t know anymore. All I can focus on is him. His voice, his smell, his warmth. I can’t seem to register anything else around me anymore. And it’s driving me crazy.

I can feel the desire starting to steer in the pit of my stomach. I can see flashbacks of the past in front of my eyes. Korn on top of me, caressing my skin, kissing every inch of my body… I can’t breath anymore. I feel like I am suffocating, but I am still walking next to him, nodding away like a bloody nodding dog. But I can’t help myself. My brain is totally on autopilot and it seems that any logic has totally left the building. The only thing that is left is just carnal need.

And I need him so bad right now…

We finally arrive at the front door of our flat. It takes me a minute to realise that he doesn’t have a key anymore and I have to open the door. Somewhere deep inside my heart I register it and it is leaving a quiet, dull pain behind. But nothing that the fire inside other regions of my body can’t completely mask.

Korn is stepping inside and before he has even the chance to take his shoes off, I am on him. My lips are searching for his while my hands are trying to pull him as close to me as humanly possible.

For a second I can feel him hesitate. But it’s just for the tiniest second, before he kisses me back with a fire and ferociousness that I have missed with ever fibre of my body.

His lips are so warm and loving. They are not gentle at all, they have a need that is matching my own. I need him like air to breath and with his mouth on mine I feel like I can breath freely again.

I am keeping my eyes close and it’s like some form of other energy has taken us over. We are stumbling into the bedroom and before I know it, I am on my back. He is above me and is caressing every inch of skin he can actually find over my clothes. I am so sick of it. These clothes are just a plain annoyance.

And without further ado I am trying to get Korn’s shirt off. But these tiny buttons are too much for my trembling fingers. I am trying and trying, but not before long Korn is just moving an inch away from me and his fingers are leaving my skin. With a short smirk he just rips the shirt open, buttons flying everywhere. I can’t stop myself from laughing, but before I can even do anything else, his mouth is again on mine.

We are fighting for dominance in the most beautiful way. We always were so compatible in the bedroom. And it doesn’t look like we lost much of our magic touch in this department either.

I am closing my eyes again and my head is falling into the pillows. Korn is making sure that I am feeling like I am floating high in the sky. His kisses, his warm hands on my body. He is treating me like I am the most precious thing in the world and it’s making my heart sing. He always was a considerate lover but this time I know that he is giving all his love into this. I know that he still wants me, that he still desires me and I love this feeling.

He is making short process with the rest of our clothing and as soon as our naked bodies touch I feel like electricity is running all through my body. I can’t control my feelings anymore and I think, rather then know, that I am clinging onto him for dear life. I need him, I need him so bad.

It’s like a beautiful dance we both have performed together so often already. It’s been over two months now, but every movement, every kiss, every touch is still the same. It’s still perfection.

His hand is going down between my legs and I can feel my inner core shaking. He is touching me in a way no other person ever has been able to do. He just knows me, knows my likes, my turn ons. And tonight he is making the most out of his knowledge.

When he finally enters me after the most gentle preparation you could ever wish for, it feels like a lost puzzle piece is finally falling back into place. Like I am finally complete again. I can feel him inside me and the feeling is incredible. To have this connection with another human will forever astonish me, but here with him…

It’s like my universe is about to explode into all these amazing colours. I swear I can see stars while everything I can feel is him. Around me, on top of me, in me. He is everything I need right now and every movement he makes is just driving my want and need further up.

I am close to loosing my mind, I am sure, when he finally hits the spot over and over again. My head is falling back and I am biting my lips to stifle the moan that is trying to escape my throat. Another kiss and his warm voice next to my ear.

“Just let go. Don’t keep it in.” His breath is sending shivers down my spine and I can’t help but let out a deep moan, deep from the pit of my stomach.

It doesn’t take much longer for me to finally find my release. All it takes it another expertly done thrust up and his long fingers around my member. I shudder when all the pent up energy is finally released and I can feel him following me within seconds. I always loved that we are so in sync in these matters.

My body is going all heavy and numb. All the tension, all the heart ache and tears feel lifted. It’s like someone has kissed me awake… Korn is slowly pulling out of me and falls down next to me. He is short of breath and the smile on his face is making me fall in love all over again. He is just…

Suddenly I notice the condom he is trying to discreetly get rid of and my whole world freezes.

I sit up and look at him. He looks up at me in a sheepishly way, finally managing to discard of the offending item with a tissue.

“What was that?” I point my finger at the tissue, which holds the used condom.

“What do you mean?” He looks confused.

“Why did you use a condom? We haven’t used a condom in years. Why now?” I can feel the atmosphere around me turning colder and colder.

“We are not together anymore… I was not sure…” Korn looks down on his hands and his voice sounds so small. But somehow it still manages to completely destroy everything…

Suddenly everything is back. It comes rushing back like a wave that is crashing over my head and again I feel like I can’t breath. Tears are stinging behind my eyes and I am trying my darnest not to let them fall.

“Have you.. Like did you have sex with someone else?” I ask, not knowing if I really want to get an answer.

“No!” Korn’s head shoots up. “Of course not.”

“Then why use it?” I don’t understand why this is bothering me so much.

“It just feels like I don’t have the right anymore… Like after everything I have done…”

And I know what he means. He is right. He lost this privilege the moment he slept with Pete. Hell, up to know I still don’t know if he used a condom with him or not. I am not sure if I ever want to know.

“Have you…?” His voice is tiny, but I can still hear the little hint of jealousy in it and it’s all I need to finally come to my senses.

“How dare you ask me that!” I am getting out of the bed and am trying to find my boxers. I suddenly feel uncomfortable being naked in front of him. I am way too vulnerable.

“I just..” He stops again.

“You haven’t changed at all, have you? Still fearing that I could be the one having sex with someone else! That’s why you used a condom. Because you think that I have started sleeping around the moment you were out of the front door.” My voice is getting louder and louder and I know it. But I can’t help it. How dare he ask me this question? How dare he? I can’t even look at him.

“I have news for you, Korn. You were the one cheating on me. Not the other way around. I have been faithful to you ever since the moment I decided to give us a shot. You have been nothing but distrusting of me for our whole relationship. You hid me like a dirty secret for YEARS and then you even have the nerve to CHEAT ON ME?” I am full blown yelling now. I am turning around and I see him just sitting there with his head hanging low, his hands in his lap.

“Say something, you idiot.” My anger is bubbling up inside. He slowly lifts his head.

“What do you want me to say? I can say sorry again, but I don’t think that it will make much of a difference, right?” A sad smile appears on his lips and he knows he is right.

Another sorry is not doing anything. He gets up from the bed and comes over to me. He carefully takes my hands into his, slowly, as if to test if I let him. He looks into my eyes and I can see the tears swimming there.

“I know I have fucked up so badly. But Knock, I still love you, I love you so much.” My heart is breaking into a thousand tiny fucking pieces. “I just hurt so much without you. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat and all I want is you back in my life. I need you, babe.” The last few words he says with so much love, but all I can hear are these words, words he has said before. They are the same he used when he apologised before he actually proposed to me. The exact same words.

He promised me so much over the years. He was always sorry. And I know he meant it, when he said he was sorry. But somehow all this doesn’t make any sense anymore.

Yes, we might love each other. Hell, I love him more then anything else in my life. But maybe love is just not enough for a relationship. Maybe we need more for that. Trust? I don’t trust him at all anymore after anything with Pete. Respect? Did he respect me when he kicked me out of my own bed to hide me from his family? No, he didn’t…

It just doesn’t seem like we have any basis for a relationship left. And him just saying the exact same words just reminds me that we are really just going in circles here. We love each other, we hurt each other, we forgive each other and everything starts all over again. It’s like a vicious cycle and I am sure I don’t want any part of it anymore.

I am taking a step back and take my hands back from him. I am shaking my head while looking him in the eyes.

“Knock, don’t do that.” The tears are now falling from his eyes. “I know you love me. I can see it in your eyes. I felt it just now when we kissed. This connection between us… It’s special. Please, don’t throw that away. I beg you. I know you love me.” He is trying to get hold of my hands again, but I am just pulling them away.

“Love?” I laugh bitter. “Korn, this was just sex.” Mirroring the cruel words he told me when he confessed about sleeping with Pete.

I know I am hurting him, but there is no other way. This can’t happen anymore. This needs to stop. Otherwise we are going to kill each other sooner or later. And if he can’t be the person to see that, then I need to do it for the both of us.