Summary:
It had been a while since Korn finally moved out of their shared flat. Knock knew that it was the right decision after everything that happened.
And he was fine. Honestly, he was doing good. He didn’t miss the other man at all. Not one tiny bit… Honestly, not at all…
Couple:
Korn/Knock (Bad Romance, Together With Me; Max/Tul)
Word Count:
66103
Language:
English
Status:
Completed
Know You All Over Again: Chapter Six
“Can you pass me the hot sauce, please?” I ask Knock over the table.
“Hot like you, you mean?” His eyebrows are wiggling in a suggestive way and I can’t help but laugh.
I take the sauce from him with a stupid smile on my face and I don’t even notice that the whole table just got death quiet. There are just four pairs of eyes staring at Knock and me with dropped jaws.
“Can someone please tell me, what’s going on here?” Yiwah’s voice is making it very clear that apparently Knock and me have some explaining to do.
It’s been a couple of weeks since the fateful night we both decided to be friends again. Well, friends with benefit to be exact. And even though I was not 100 percent sold on the idea, when Knock suggested it, I have to admit that I don’t know when I have been this happy in ages.
Things just naturally progressed again. We started texting during the day again, sending each other silly pictures or spoke about stuff that happened at work. On day three we already talked on the phone again and it just took a few more days before we talked every night before falling asleep.
It felt like dating all over again and it was glorious.
Yes, we might have had the benefits too, once or twice. I will admit that. But to be completely honest I am more thrilled to just have him back in my life. It’s amazing that I can again just hang out with him, cuddle on the bed to watch something silly on telly. Or just cook together, steal a kiss here and there and just eat.
I am just really happy right now.
But Knock and me both knew that there would be questions from our friends. So after having a bit of a trial run with our new found friendship we decided to invite the whole gang for brunch.
And it seems somehow just the two of us being together in a room is enough for Cho, Yiwah, Fai and Farm to get suspicious. But apparently us semi kind of flirting is just too much to take for them.
“Hello? Can someone please answer me? What the fuck is going on here? Are you back together? Is this an announcement brunch?” Yiwah looks back and forth between me and Knock. But Knock just laughs and doesn’t give an answer. Looks like I have to do that.
“We are not together.” I clarify. I can see the question marks raised above all their heads.
“Then what is this here?” Fai is gesturing in between Knock and me.
“We just decided to be friends again. That’s all. And since you guys, as our closest friends, have suffered a lot with our separation, so we thought we just invite you for brunch. That’s all.” I smile while Knock is nodding at my words.
“We are invited?” “Friends?” Fai and Yiwah both yell at the same moment.
I am not sure if I should laugh or cry about these two. I knew that Yiwah would have a lot to say about Knock and me being friends, but I honestly hoped I could defuse a bit of that due to the public place. Looks like I was wrong about that.
Yiwah is just standing up abruptly and points at me.
“You, Mister!” Now she is pointing at the exit. “We are leaving. You have some explaining to do!” And with that she is practically dragging me by my shirt outside. For such a tiny person she sure has a lot of strength.
Yiwah is still dragging me, now by my arm, until we reach a bench on the side of the road. She practically shoves me down, before she sits down herself. Her eyes are studying me so thoroughly that I almost feel naked.
“Spill!” she says without breaking her stare.
“There is nothing to spill.” I just shrug, trying to avoid her eyes.
“Ha!” She yells loudly while again pointing her finger at me. She almost scares me to death.
“What?” I mumble while still gazing at my shoes as if they were the most interesting thing in the world.
“You slept with him! Don’t even try to deny it. I can see it all over your face.” Yiwah sounds to triumphantly right now it’s ridiculous.
“Hmm. Well… Maybe?” I look up to meet her gaze and I can feel my face blush like crazy.
“You don’t need to say anymore, my dear son. You did the dirty with him and you LIKED it.” She cackles like a witch, but I can’t say she is wrong. Of course I loved it. The redness on my cheeks is just getting darker.
“So spill. How did this happen? And are you back together? What’s all this friend crap about? Tell me, I need to know.” She has taken my hands into hers and is now shaking them like a juice bottle. Her excitement is making me smile. If only I could tell her what she wants to hear.
“It somehow just happened after we met at Cho’s the other week. I had to go to the flat as I still had some stuff there and somehow I didn’t even manage to make it through the door before Knock was hanging around my neck.” Yiwah is slightly squeaking next to me and I can hear a whispered “I am sure you didn’t complain” next to me. I roll my eyes at her, but still continue to talk.
“So of course we had sex, you guessed rightly. But then afterwards he kicked me out, because I used a condom and everything just got really messy. At home somehow I just couldn’t sleep after this happened and I honestly have no clue how this happened, but I ended up in front of his door all over again, just two hours later.”
I am looking at Yiwah right next to me and I see how hopeful her eyes are. I know that she felt awful about our break up. Mainly because she knew how much we both suffered. And obviously she is routing for us getting back together. And it breaks my heart that I just can’t tell her what she wants to hear.
“So you went for round two?” Her chuckle next to me is getting back into the here and now.
“Well… no.. I mean yes… Oh, I don’t know. It’s where things started being complicated.” I sigh sadly and rub my hands over my eyes.
“Hey. Since when did you shy away from complicated?” Yiwah’s voice carries so much compassion, it makes me wanna cry.
“You just have no idea…” I can feel a knot growing in my throat. “I just asked him to talk. I really couldn’t loose him all over again. You know how I still feel about him. And I am so angry with myself for messing everything up. So I just wanted to talk…” I can feel some tears slowly coming up to the surface. Fuck, I really don’t want to cry all over again.
I can feel Yiwah’s hand on top of mine and somehow this gives me the strength to continue with my story.
“I just asked him if I could somehow make things better, because I honestly would do anything for him.”
“I know you would.” She gently squeezes my hand.
“But his answer really just broke my heart. I now understand that our separation is about so much more then just the cheating. I mean, I knew that the whole coming out thing and my jealousy was an issue. I am not stupid. But I never thought that it would affect him in such a way.” I look up into Yiwah’s eyes.
“Yiwah, you have no idea, how hurt he was. I really thought I knew everything about him and why he separated. But it looks like I just knew a tiny, tiny fraction of all this. The real reasons are just so much bigger. It kills me that I am the person who hurt him so badly.” I carefully wipe away a tear from the corner of my eye.
“He fell apart. You can’t imagine. He fell apart right in front of me. I have never heard him cry like that. Not even when I told him about Pete. And that’s where I realised what I actually have done. I can’t believe that I really did all this to him. I honestly can’t believe it.” I sniffle a bit, trying to keep the tears at bay while Yiwah is pulling me closer over to herself.
“So how did you end up in the friendzone then?” She asks softly.
“He asked.” That’s the simple answer. “He could have asked me for my kidney at this moment and I would have given it to him without even a shadow of a doubt. You can’t imagine how bad I felt in that moment. He looked so small and fragile. You have no idea.”
“Knock? Small and fragile? No, I honestly can’t imagine that whatsoever.” She laughs a soft and gentle laugh.
“At one point I just took him to bed. He was so exhausted. I really wanted to just get him into bed and leave…” I am playing with the rings on my finger. There is still one missing and it breaks my heart.
“So what happened?”
“Do you really need to ask? We slept together and then “slept” together, if you understand what I mean. It just felt so natural and organic. It’s what we always just do. I don’t know. He is like this magnet that is pulling me into his way over and over again. And I just can’t seem to find a way out of this.” Somehow I am not even sure if I ever want to get out of the way.
“So you are friends now? Friends who fuck or just friends?” Yiwah’s voice is changing a tiny bit. It’s less compassion now and more worry. It’s subtle, but being best friends with her forever I can hear the difference.
“We are friends!” I say loudly. “Who fuck…” I add with a lower voice and I get hit in the shoulder as a response.
“Oh Korn. You are such an idiot. Why are you doing this to yourself? This has disaster written all over it, you know that, right?” She is shaking her head while hitting me repeatedly with her tiny fists.
“Yiwah! What else could I have done? Knock asked me to be friends with him. He said it’s okay if we hook up once in a while. I just couldn’t say no. I hurt him so much and I feel so guilty. He could have asked for anything and I would have agreed.” I tell her with an urgency in my voice and somehow it worked as I am not having a fist rain coming down on me anymore.
“But it’s not just fucking, isn’t it?” Yiwah’s voice is low and her words are making me flinch.
“No, it’s not just sex.” I shake my head. “It’s almost like we are dating again.” I smile sadly. “We cook together, hang out most of the time, are cuddling while watching TV. It’s so stupid. I am falling in love all over again, but I can’t do anything about it.” I sigh exhausted. Finally I can put into words, what has been on my heart for the last couple of weeks. And as much as it hurts to admit it, it’s also liberating.
“But he doesn’t want a relationship with me anymore and I can’t even blame him. So I am just taking every tiny little crumpet of him, everything I can get. Because he will find someone else. I am so sure about that. He will fall in love and leave me all over again.” I can’t stop the tears now from escaping my eyes and two small arms are quickly circled around my shoulder.
“Yiwah, I am so scared. I can’t loose him again. I just can’t.” And for a second time in a month I am sobbing into Yiwah’s shoulder over the man who still holds every single part of my heart.
“Shhh.” Her voice is low while she tries to sooth my with some gentle strokes over the back of my head.
“Everything will be fine.” She says like a mother talking to a crying child, but we both know that this is not true. It won’t be okay. It never will be okay again.
“Sweety, you know that you have to end this, don’t you?” Her words are so true, but I am still refusing to believe them.
“You can’t go on like this. Once he finds someone else you won’t be able to take it. And you will distroy whatever friendship you have with him all over again.” I know she is right.
“But how can I make myself fall out of love with him? How? Just tell me and I will do it!” I move a bit back again and look into her face. My eyes are desperate. I don’t need a mirror to know that.
“I can’t tell you how to fall out of love. But I know that sleeping with him and doing all these couple things together is just making you fall harder and harder for him.” I nod at her words.
“I know all that. But I just can’t give it up. It’s like a drug. Everything is just so easy and wonderful when he is around me. I just want to enjoy it for as long as I can.”
“But you and me both know that drugs have side effects, my dear Korn. Nothing is for free. Is feeling this good right now worth being hurt later on?” She looks at me with a question mark in her eyes. And suddenly a gentle smile is appearing on my lips.
“Oh yes! It’s worth it. He is so worth it. There is no doubt in my mind.”
Your Heart's Content 