Summary:
It had been a while since Korn finally moved out of their shared flat. Knock knew that it was the right decision after everything that happened.
And he was fine. Honestly, he was doing good. He didn’t miss the other man at all. Not one tiny bit… Honestly, not at all…
Couple:
Korn/Knock (Bad Romance, Together With Me; Max/Tul)
Word Count:
66103
Language:
English
Status:
Completed
Know You All Over Again: Chapter Seventeen
I don’t think, that I even can put in words how miserable I feel right now. It’s pain wrapped in sadness mixed in with some nice self pity. I just hate the way I feel. I just hate it.
I take another sip out of my bottle and I can feel the alcohol slowly doing things to my body I wanted it to start doing hours ago. The warmth finally reaches my stomach. But still not my heart.
Silently I am sitting at the bar watching young men dancing together, being happy. I would like to hit each and every one of them. Why are they happy when I am not? I am pouting into the nothingness around me and yes, I know I must look totally silly right now, I just can’t help myself.
Just closing my eyes makes me see him again. Him having this man hanging on his arm. Him having this man hanging off his lips, having him hanging off his neck. And even though the last two pictures are just products of my imagination, it doesn’t make me fell any better. I just feel worse and worse with every passing hour.
Why do I still love him so much? Why can’t I just forget him and move on? I could find someone else, fall in love and finally be happy.
I laugh bitterly to myself. Be happy? I know that I will never be happy without Korn in my life. It’s just all such a fucked up mess. I can’t deal with all this heartbreak anymore and if you don’t have trust, what else do you have?
Not enough for a proper relationship, let me tell you that much. It’s just not bloody enough. So I need to forget him, I need to get him out of my system.
I take another swig out of my bottle and when I notice the incredible lack of fluid in my bottle, I turn around and order another one. And while I am at it, I also order another Tequila. I am looking in front of me and the five half bitten lemon pieces are telling me that we are at the sixth beer and Tequila combo. Tomorrow won’t be pretty, I already know that.
But right now I couldn’t care less.
Today was just too much for me. Everything with Fai at the diner. And afterwards seeing Korn with this other man. It just all drained me emotionally so much, I feel like fainting. I know I am melodramatic right now.
But the last couple of weeks had been the best weeks I had in a very long time. And getting the ugly truth thrown in front of your feet is never a pretty sight. I knew that I was just walking back into a full blown relationship. I am not stupid.
But hearing it said out loud and seeing Fai’s reaction to it made me just realise how incredibly stupid I am. He is not going to change. He never has. He always was the one hot on my heels about other people around me. Me being too friendly, me being too flirty. There was always something wrong with me.
How can I be so stupid to walk back into all that? How?
Because my heart wants him. It’s that simple. But once in a while even a Peter Pan like me should grow up and make a decision that it good for himself and not just for his libido.
I sigh heavily and put my head into my arm. I close the eyes for a second when I feel a slight tap on my shoulder.
I get up and my eyes are met by a good looking stranger. His black hair frames his pale face perfectly. His eyes, two black obsidians, are looking at me with a certain twinkle and I somehow can feel a rush going through my veins. He looks so familiar but I just can’t put my finger on it.
He gives me a blending smile while taking a seat next to me at the bar.
“Hi, stranger. You look like you need another drink.” His voice is dark and velvety. Just like chocolate. His pointy nose gives his profile an interesting edge.
I smile a uncertain half smile and put my head back up. His response is just another big smile and a very suggestive look out of these amazing dark eyes. Eyes that are so familiar…
He orders us both another Tequila.
“So, what’s your name? I don’t drink with strangers.”
He laughs again this amazing laugh and somehow it lulls me into a sense of security. Hmmm… Tequila is really a very nice drink. I smile rather silly to myself.
“I am Knock and I am single.” I announce rather loudly all of the sudden and I have no clue where it’s coming from.
But I am single after all. No Korn in my life… No relationship…. The well built man in front of me wiggles suggestively with his eyes brows.
“You are single? I like to hear that. I am Mick.”
He holds his hand out for me to shake and for some reason it just feels wrong. I know him. I don’t know why, but I know him. I am not sure if the alcohol is talking here right now, but I don’t think so. I mean seven Tequila without dinner are surely not too much for a young guy like me…
Mick’s waving hand in front of my face brings me back to reality.
“Is still someone in there?” He laughs and I feel rather silly. I grin a bit shyly and can’t help but rub the back of my neck insecurely.
“Sorry, I am pretty recent single. I am still not used to this whole flirting thing.” While I say it I can feel a blush creeping up my face.
“What gave you the impression I was flirting with you?” He says and I can just feel the blood now flow full throttle into my face. I must rival a tomato right now.
“Oh god, you didn’t? I am so sorry. I totally misunderstood…” I babble embarrassed, but another laugh from his mouth makes me stop in my tracks.
“I am kidding you. Of course I was flirting. I mean, you are the best looking thing I have seen all night.” Again he wriggles his left eye brow in a manner I am somehow very used to.
Something flutters in my stomach and all I can manage is a rather girlish giggle. Embarrassed I let my hands fly to my mouth. I can’t believe this sound just came out of my mouth.
But Mick just takes my hands and gently pulls them from my mouth.
“Don’t. Your have a very infectious giggle. No reason to hide it.” He pulls me a bit closer to himself by just dragging my arms over. “And I also couldn’t see your gorgeous lips anymore. And I also couldn’t do this….”
He moves closer and when his lips touch mine my brain just switches itself off. It’s like I am having an outer body experience. I can almost see myself floating above the whole scene, not knowing what to make out of it.
He tastes different, he kisses different. It’s not bad, not like with Pete. It’s just…
But with a sudden flick of his tongue I just close my eyes and let myself float away a little bit. He is sneaking his arms around my torso and pushed me even closer. His chest is so firm and his arms so well defined around my body. I suddenly feel so warm in this embrace, so safe. I am taking a deep breath in and I notice that I know this cologne. It reminds me of something in the back of my head. It’s like on the tip of my tongue but it won’t come out. Not for all the money in the world.
But all I know right now is that this smell is home, is safety, is love…
I finally let myself totally go into the kiss. My fingers are in his longish hair that is just curling slightly over his ears. He slight stubble on his chin is so exciting and with every little scruff I feel better and better. His hands are starting to roam over my back, my neck, my sides. They are so hungry, so wanting… So strangely familiar.
I let myself fall further and further. There are pictures floating through my head, pictures of early mornings in bed together, pictures of lazy afternoons on the couch and pictures of hot nights under the cover. Everything is just melting into one. Everything is just all the same… I am not sure what’s reality and what’s dream… Everything just swirls around… Feelings, thoughts, wishes and dreams….
“You wanna go somewhere else?” A strange voice startles me and I open my eyes surprised. It’s just then that I remember again whose arms I am not in.
Fucking Tequila….
I move a bit further away from Mick and look at him with an intense stare. I know I must be freaking him out, but he just looks at me with a mild curiosity. His dark eyes contrast his pale skin so much and the mop of black hair frames his amazing features so beautifully…
He might not be…
But fuck it… Why not… Nothing really matters right now anyway. I lost the last fuck about three Tequilas ago.
I am heartbroken and confused as hell. I am drunk and I am just so, so tired. And did I mention horny?
So what? Here is an opportunity… Would he say no? Of course not.
I know it’s a lie, but somehow I need to talk my courage up a bit. So yes, of course he would. In an instant. He never cared about me. He had sex with bloody Pete. And this gorgeous creature here wants me. He wants me. Not me if I was a bit more mature. Not me if I could just finally stop playing these video games and not me if I could just finally stop being so friendly to strangers…
He just wants me.
I honestly never thought about having sex with another man. I was never interested. And with Pete… I just couldn’t do it. Not with this slimy weasel. Not for all the money in the world. And I mean really…
His opinions of me can’t be very high when he throws our relationship away for such a twink like Pete…
I can feel anger and sadness rolling over me and before I can even think about something else, I am hanging again around his neck and kissing him with a ferociousness that seems to surprise him. But I can’t just go home tonight. I just can’t go back to that flat and have another night of hurt and pain in front of me. Tonight I need something else.
And this man here is willing to provide me with it…. Who am I to say no?
………………………………….
I am feeling like a rabbit in front of the snake. I can just stare at him with a slight gape on my face. I have no idea how to react to the man who potentially has given me a deadly decease. I don’t know what to feel or what to do. I can just stare.
I can hear Korn’s voice in the background. He is talking about something. I hear Fei but nothing else really.
I never thought I would run into him ever again. But thinking that was quiet naïve on my account, I guess. We are both hanging out in Bangkok’s gay bars and even though the community here is rather big, it’s not that big that we would never see each other again.
My heart is beating way too fast in my chest that I am surprised Korn on the other side of the table can’t hear it. It feels like drum beats to my ears.
His hand on my shoulder is suddenly getting me back into the here and now.
“Knock, what’s up? What’s happening?” His voice is laced with worry.
“It’s him…” Is all I can manage to bring up and even while I am saying it I know what a huge mistake I have made.
Korn’s head is shooting around into the direction of my stare. Before he has a chance to catch the dark haired man at the bar Mick moves away and I am doing my damnest not to follow him with my eyes.
I know what Korn will do to him, once he knows who he is. He will beat him into a pulp and I can’t let him do that. He would get into major trouble. Because he wouldn’t stop at just hitting him once. No, he would do some serious damage. And I really can’t let that happen.
“Where did he go?” Korn’s voice is almost void of any emotions but I just shake my head.
“Don’t worry. I got the wrong person. It’s not him.” I try to fake a smile while still trying to see where Mick disappeared to. But I can’t see him anymore. I almost want to sigh in relief.
“Where is he?” Korn growls. His face looks like thunder.
“No, Korn! Let him be! Please! For me?” I plea with him and I hope he understands how important this is for me. I don’t want him to get his hands dirty on this bastard of a man. Not for me…
I can see Korn’s face twitching quiet badly and his fighting emotions are so visible on his face. All I can do is look at him with the best puppy dog eyes I ever mustered up and hope for the best. I just give him a slightly shy smile when his angry exterior slowly melts away.
“If you want…” He grumbles, but I know I have won. He won’t touch him… I feel so relieved.
“Oh, looks like someone has a type…” Mick’s voice behind me let my blood freeze in my veins. “But be careful, he gets a bit hysteric right after. I personally don’t think he is worth the trouble. But he is cute, I have to admit…” He says to Korn with a laugh and I can feel the content of my stomach coming back up.
Before I even know what I am doing, I am up and my legs are carrying me to the gents on autopilot. I don’t arrive one minute too early as my whole lovely lunch ends up in the cold porcelain bowl.
My head is so hot and I can feel the sweat running down my neck.
I just can’t believe that this is really happened right now. I just can’t.
Hysteric? Hysteric?
Of course I was hysteric when I saw that he didn’t use a condom.
Of course I was hysteric when he fucked me so rough and hard that I knew I was bleeding even before I left the bed.
Of course I was in hysterics, when I finally remembered who I was in bed with… And who I wasn’t…
I close my eyes and lay my head against the stall walls. The tears pricking behind my eyes are hot and I just don’t know what to do anymore… I just don’t. It’s all too much…
The gentle stroke over my cheek wiping away some of the tears that managed their way down, startles me. When I open my eyes I am greeted by the most gorgeous smile I could ever imagine. His eyes are so warm, so loving, that some more tears flowing down my cheeks.
“Come on. Let me take you home, my love.” Korn’s voice is so soft and gentle, his words so full of love.
I just can nod weakly. I am so grateful that he is here right now.
So grateful that I even pretend not to see the splatter of blood on his shirt and the slightly bruised knuckles. I just don’t see them when he finally takes me home…
Your Heart's Content 