Summary:
It had been a while since Korn finally moved out of their shared flat. Knock knew that it was the right decision after everything that happened.
And he was fine. Honestly, he was doing good. He didn’t miss the other man at all. Not one tiny bit… Honestly, not at all…
Couple:
Korn/Knock (Bad Romance, Together With Me; Max/Tul)
Word Count:
66103
Language:
English
Status:
Complete
Know You All Over Again: Chapter Twenty
“So what time do we have be there again?” He sounds so nervous, it almost breaks my heart.
“The nurse said that the test results would be in at 3 this afternoon.” I smile at him, desperately trying to hide the fact that I am petrified.
Today is the day.
Today Knock and me will find out the outcome of his overall test results.
It’s been 28 very long days. And with every day passing Knock just seemed to be even more on edge. But who can blame him? I am sure I wouldn’t react any different.
“So anything you wanna do until then?” I ask him with voice that is just tiny bit too cheery to be real, but Knock is so deep in his own thoughts he doesn’t even notice.
“Hm?” He looks up from his breakfast bagel that he hasn’t even touched yet. We both have taken the day off, because let’s face it. Neither of us would be able to do any decent work today. No chance in hell.
“I asked what you wanna do until this afternoon.” I am trying to sound as calm and confident as I can, but underneath all the outside bravado there is just raw fear waiting for the right moment to overwhelm me.
“I don’t know.” He is again concentrating on his breakfast plate, moving the food around more then even attempting to eat it.
“Babe, you need to eat something.” I say while laying my hand on his.
“I am not hungry.” He mumbles.
“Sometimes you need to eat even if you are not hungry.” I try not to sound like an overbearing parent right now, but it’s so hard.
I know he needs to eat. He will need all his strength today, just to make it through everything. But Knock is not even answering anymore.
“Okay, if you eat this bagel, you can decided what we watch tonight on telly.”
I sigh a bit, knowing full well that I will have to suffer through a whole evening of watching some crappy wrestling show I have no idea about. But if it makes him eat, I am willing to endure an evening of mindless violence. And it seems like my bait is working. Knock is looking up now and his eyebrow is raised.
“I am listening…” He says with an intrigued voice.
“Well, that’s the offer. Bagel versus couch commando.”
I have trouble containing the grin that is about to spill on my face. Some things will never change. And getting Knock to do something is like trying to motivate a 5 years old to clean their room.
“A whole bagel for one evening? Nah, that offer is waaaaay too weak, Mister.”
And finally his face changes from all stressed out to a tiny bit of mischievous, a small smile waiting in the corner of his mouth.
“So what else do you want?” I sigh again, knowing full well that this is going to end in a full blown negotiation now.
But as long as it’s taking his mind of the appointment for a second and makes him eat, I am happy. Right now I would be willing to even put on a clown’s wig and ride around on a unicycle just to make him smile a little bit.
“I think couch commando for an evening is maybe a quarter of a bagel. If even that.”
The smile has now finally reached his lips and I can feel my heart flutter.
Shit, just one smile of his has still such an effect on me. I have no clue what I am going to do should I ever loose this smile. I have no idea at all. I am sure I will wither like a bloody flower.
“I would normally agree, but your case is special. Your taste in television shows is so atrocious I actually should get the bagel AND some change.” I grin my best Korn special for him and I can’t contain my laugh when he throws me a scandalised look back.
“My taste atrocious? How dare you?” He protests with a rather high pitched voice. “But well, I guess you are right. I mean, I am together with you after all. That actually IS very telling. My taste really can’t be that good.”
Now it’s my turn to look offended. And for a second I am speechless.
“Well… You are… you are not that good either, you know?” I am trying a comeback but somehow I can just get some mumbling together.
At least Knock seems to be pleased with himself. With the big smile of a winner he takes a huge bite out of his bagel and chews it triumphantly. I am just about able to hide my amusement. He is doing exactly what I wanted him to, but somehow he believes he just outmanoeuvred me. I am not going to tell him any different.
At least he is eating and that’s all I care about.
But otherwise time is just moving forward like a snail. I am pretty sure at one point it even decided to move backwards again… Or at least that’s how it feels.
It’s half past two when we finally make our way to the clinic. We decided to take public transport instead of a cab, because neither of us felt like we could stay inside our flat for just one more second. And this way we can at least walk a bit outside to get rid of some of the nervous energy we both so clearly have inside us.
It’s five minutes to three when we finally arrive at the clinic. We have been here a number of times now, but it still surprises me how different this place looks during the day. On that fateful night it felt like a ray of hope in a desperate situation. But now it just looms over our heads like some kind of destiny we have no control over.
I just want to push the door to the foyer open, when Knock’s hand is actually pulling me back.
“Korn?” He asks with a shaking voice. I turn around and am almost shocked to see some tears shimmer in his eyes.
“Hey, hey… What’s going on?” My hands are moving automatically onto his cheeks and holding his face in place. I gently rub away any tears that might have fallen already…
“You need to promise me something.” He looks at me with a very serious expression and for some reason I can feel a cold shower running down my spine. I can just nod.
“If… If the test comes back as positive…” he breaks up and I can see him swallow hard. “If it’s positive, please promise me to find someone else…”
I won’t even let him finish his sentence before my lips are cutting him off. I can feel that he is not responding so all I can do it kiss him with the most love and care I can muster up and pray that he can feel how serious I am right now.
“Don’t even go there, you sweet idiot.” I lay my forehead against his and just look into his teary eyes. “I already told you. There is no one else for me in this world and there never will. It always has been you and it will be like this forever. I love you so much, babe.” I whisper against his lips. A little whimper escapes his mouth and I just pull him closer to me.
“Babe, I will never let you go. Whatever happens in the next hour, I am here for you and we will get through this. Together.” And finally he sneaks his arms around my waist and returns my embrace.
“I am so sorry, Korn. I am so, so sorry.” His voice is so small and broken.
“You have nothing to be sorry about, my love. This is my decision and I couldn’t be any happier with it.”
I gently stroke over his hair and try to give him all the time he needs to gather his wits again. I am feeling so helpless right now and it kills me. If I could switch positions with him right now, I would do so in a heartbeat. I wouldn’t even need to think about it.
With one final squeeze of my waist he let’s go of me and straightens his back. He wipes away any reminders of the tears that have just fallen and looks at me with an expectant face.
“You look good.” I smile at him and surprisingly he is blushing slightly.
“Shut up.” He complains, but still turns around and makes his way inside the clinic.
So here we go.
No turning back now.
I take one last breath and follow him inside. My heart is beating like a drum and I can hear my blood rushing through my ears.
Knock is at the reception desk telling the nurse that he has arrived for his results. The friendly lady just smiles at him and gestures to the waiting area. With a polite wai he turns away and moves over to the seats sprinkled all around the area. I just follow like an obedient dog.
“You want me to come inside with you?” I ask him after we finally found a place to sit. The clinic is packed. Looks like we are not the only ones waiting for their fate.
Knock turns around and looks at me for while before he even answers.
“I honestly don’t want to be this egoistic to force you to go inside with me. I mean, I am pretty sure it won’t be a nice conversation. But if I can choose…” He stops and his eyes turn into his signature puppy dog eye look and I can’t help but laugh.
“Of course you can choose. Whatever makes it easier for you I will do it. Even if you would have asked me me to attend here in high heels and a corset I would have done it. Whatever you need, babe. Whatever you need.” His gorgeous smile is my answer and even though the situation is so far from any romance I can still feel my heart skip a beat.
Boy, I’ve got it bad.
“Knock?” The voice of the nurse is reminding us of our reality.
I can see the colour draining out of Knock’s face and all I can do it take his hand into mine and squeeze it lightly. He turns his face to me and even though he is trying to smile I can see the sheer panic underneath. I just nod towards him and get up. Within a second he follows.
It’s again the doctor’s office we sat in on that first night. The sexual health posters everywhere are still the same and we are even sitting in the same chairs like the first time. But somehow it feels like it’s been an eternity ago.
I am looking over to Knock who now has started to nervously bite his lips. I am sure he will start bleeding in a second but I don’t have it in my heart to scold him for it. I am not even sure how I would react in his situation, but I am pretty sure charming party guest wouldn’t be an accurate description of me either were things the other way around.
I starting to draw lazy patterns onto the back of his hand and I still can feel all the tension in his body. We are both not talking and when finally the door to the little office opens from the outside I am sure Knock’s heart just stops beating. He is white as a sheet right now and even though he already is biting his lips like a chew toy he still can’t stop fidgeting in his seat.
“Ah, Knock. So nice to see you again. How was your month with the medication?” It’s Dr Good and I am so happy it’s him. I like this middle aged guy for some reason and I am sure he would never judge Knock for what happened.
Knock just gives him a tiny smile before answering: “It was okay. The first ten days were awful, but after that things pretty much calmed down.” Good nods at Knock’s words.
“Yeah, this stuff is pretty strong to be able to work. But I am glad that you didn’t puke for the whole of the 28 days. But it looks like you have such a pretty nurse to help you with everything.” He smiles and finally acknowledge me as well.
“Hi Korn. I hope our patient was not too much of a pain in the backside.” I can just grin and shake my head. He really wasn’t. He honestly tried to hard to hide all the pain he was in. Not that it always worked, but in general he was a exemplary patient.
“Okay, I don’t want to keep the suspense much longer. I know you are both here for the test results. So let me get them up on the monitor and we can discuss them.”
He is getting busy with typing different things into his computer while Knock and me can just observe. I know how scared my babe is. All I am left with is just to continue drawing tiny circles on the back of his hand.
“Here we go. I found you.” Good says with a cheery voice and I can feel Knock starting to shake.
“Hm, okay. This looks interesting…” Good puts on the glasses that laid next to the computer. His face is turning into a frown and I can feel my own heartbeat increase by the second.
I have hardly ever been scared in my entire life. But Knock… He is the one thing that can scare me into oblivion. He is my world, my everything. I just can’t loose him. Not again. I just can’t…
My brain goes into overdrive and my head is giving me all these horror scenarios. Knock being all sickly, pale and skinny in our bed. Knock being too exhausted to even wake up. Knock being all lifeless…
I shake my head in desperation.
“So, your test results are saying…”
Your Heart's Content 