Summary:
The age difference never bothered Sun Bo. But even the most confident man can somtimes have a crisis in confidence.
Couple:
Sun Bo Xiang/Lu Zhi Gang
Word Count:
2390
Language:
English
The Bridge
Sun Bo Xiang was shivering slightly. The cool Taipei nightair cold around his shoulders. He took a deep breath in and held it for a second. He needed to clear his head. He just needed a little break from… well, yeah, from what…
He had been looking forward to this night for weeks. Lu Zhi Gang had promised to finally introduce him to his mahjong friends and strangely enough Bo Xiang really wanted to meet these friends. He wanted to know everything about Zhi Gang. What he liked, what he hated, what made him laugh. And yes, this meant by default also his friends.
So to finally meet them and not just in the role of Zhi Gang’s annoying junior from the gym, but as his boyfriend, should have been reason alone to really enjoy the night. So why was he outside here? Alone, while the rest of the group most likely didn’t even notice his disappearance.
It all had started nice enough. They met in a bar that was owned by one of Zhi Gang’s friends, Shao Wei. He had closed it down for the evening, making it somehow an even bigger event for Bo Xiang. He had been to a few bars so far. But since he just turned 18 a couple of months ago, he wouldn’t say he was a frequent visitor. And now being in a closed down bar was a tiny tad intimidating even for a big mouth like Sun Bo Xiang.
It hadn’t taken long until everyone found a place around the huge table, right in the middle of the big room. A table huge enough to fit this big crowd. Bo Xiang had started to count them as soon as his butt had hit his chair next to Zhi Gang and wow… He counted 20 seats and it didn’t take long for every chair to be occupied.
Right after the food had started to arrive everyone got engulfed in a discussion about doing their tax returns and shared notes on the best tricks for small businesses, before they moved on to international politics.
All Bo Xiang could do was smile and try to pretend to listen as he clearly had no idea what they were talking about. Heaven’s, he never had had even a job to begin with. He was still a student and even though he never thought that the age difference between himself and Zhi Gang was a big deal, tonight for the first time, it felt different.
Tonight for the first time it felt like there was a huge gap between them and Sun Bo was not sure if he ever would be able to cross this gap. For the first time he could see why Zhi Gang was so reluctant in the beginning to even consider dating the younger man and Bo Xiang hated that thought with every fibre of his being.
Zhi Gang was his soulmate, his one true love.
Bo Xiang was never more sure of anything else in his entire life. It was like his whole existence just based on this one truth. Once he had laid his eyes on the slender frame of the older man he was lost. And he knew that he had to have him, whatever the cost.
And as headstrong as he was, he had managed exactly that: Making Zhi Gang his…
But did he maybe make a mistake?
Seeing his beloved Zhi Gang getting all excited talking about business ventures and politics just showed Bo Xiang where he was lacking. He tried to think back what his conversations with Zhi Gang had been about and he mainly could remember them talking about sport and fitness, both of them being quiet into a healthy lifestyle. Other than that they discussed movies they had seen together or computer games they both had played.
Contrary to what most people might have expected of him Zhi Gang was actually a kick ass competitor in most of the games out there. It didn’t matter if you presented him with a racing game or some highly complicated strategy game.
He would beat Bo Xiang time and time again and it just ended up in this weird little competition between them, where the loser had to do the most ridiculous dares for the winner. And since it was mainly Zhi Gang winning he had been forcing him to study more and harder then ever before. Bo Xiang’s ideas for dares were absolutely more on the dirty side of the bedroom, but Zhi Gang didn’t seem to mind and sometimes Bo Xiang was not sure if Zhi Gang just let him win… For exactly that reason..
Bo Xiang loved their playful way of being together. He loved every minute, every second of it and he knew he had never been as happy as he was right now with his Zhi Gang.
But was this the same way for Zhi Gang as well?
Or did he just humour a silly child out of the goodness of his heart? Maybe Zhi Gang needed something more in his life then laughter and sex? Maybe Zhi Gang missed this kind of grown up conversations and it would just take some time for him to grow bored of the childishness that was the whole essence of Bo Xiang…
Bo Xiang wiped his hands over his eyes and tried to focus his thoughts again on his breathing. He could feel anxiety crawling all over his skin and he just couldn’t let that happen. Not right now, not when they were right in the middle of their first introduction to his friends.
He sighed and slid a little bit further down the little bench he was currently sitting on. It was half in the shadows next to the door into the garden area. He was almost sure that no one would be able to see him here if they would go outside for a smoke. So he tried to take a couple more breaths, readying himself to face this huge wall of adultness again.
But suddenly Bo Xiang could hear steps down the hallway. He instinctively pressed himself a bit more into the shadows, making sure that he totally disappeared behind a big bamboo plant.
“Zhi Gang. Where are you going?” His boyfriend’s name sounded weird in this dark voice.
Bo Xiang was sure that it belonged to Shao Wei, the owner of this bar and their host for the evening. Bo Xiang was not sure if he liked him. Something about the way he had looked at Zhi Gang when they arrived had rubbed Bo Xiang the wrong way and he couldn’t even put his finger on it why it had bothered him so much.
“What do you want, Shao Wei?” Zhi Gang’s usually so soft voice sounded harsher than usual and it made Bo Xiang listen more intently.
“Is it so strange that I want to catch up with my ex after he surprisingly brings a date to our games night.” Shao Wei said with a snicker and Bo Xiang could feel his temper rising. Ex? Zhi Gang had said nothing about them meeting an ex tonight.
“Don’t flatter yourself. I wouldn’t classify what we had as a relationship whatsoever.” Zhi Gang almost sneered back.
“Hey hey hey. Why so aggressive, my little one?” Bo Xiang tried to peek through the bamboo but all he could see were two backs. Two backs that were definitely too close together for his liking.
“Just leave it, Shao Wei. I have no interest in having this discussion again.” A long sigh, Bo Xiang knew so well, followed. It was a sigh usually reserved for Bo Xiang’s more stupid ideas.
“Then maybe you shouldn’t have brought this little fuckboy to our night out.”
“Shao Wei…” And just another deep sigh was Zhi Gang’s answer.
“I really don’t get you, you know that, right? Is this your way of punishing me? Do you want to show me that you have finally moved on from me, from us?”
Bo Xiang’s breath hitched in his throat. What was going on here? He felt lost, lost in a way he absolutely didn’t like. He didn’t know about this man, he had no clue about his relationship with Zhi Gang and he hated it. He hated it with such a passion that he could feel his blood running hot in his veins.
Zhi Gang just stayed quiet, but didn’t try to get away from Shao Wei either. If Bo Xiang gave it a quick thought he had to admit that he shouldn’t be surprised about this. Shao Wei was a very good looking man in his late thirties, Bo Xiang assumed. He seemed to be very successful being the owner of this very bar. He had a certain air of self confidence about himself, Bo Xiang had already noted when they sat down for dinner. Since he was the host he was sitting on the head of the table. It was him who was giving the toast. It was him who dominated most of the conversation.
Why shouldn’t Zhi Gang be interested in him? He seemed pretty much perfect.
“You could have at least done a better job finding a pretend date for the night. This little schoolboy looks rather pathetic next to you.” The older man’s laugh rang in Bo Xiang’s ears and it made his head throb. “I mean, come on. What are you doing with him? Helping him study before his curfew at ten? You can’t be serious about this.”
Bo Xiang felt like his skin was ablaze. He could feel it run all over his back, his arms, his legs. Because he was right… Shao Wei was right…
What WAS Zhi Gang doing with him? How could a man as wonderful, bright and perfect be with someone like Bo Xiang? What did he have to offer him?
Nothing…. Absolutely nothing…
The realisation hit him hard and he would feel the air being knocked out of his chest. He suddenly noticed the darkness all around him and it felt like it wanted to swallow him whole.
But the sudden laugh of Zhi Gang brought him back to earth…
“No, Shao Wei, You don’t understand. You don’t understand anything.” Zhi Gang’s voice was finally back with all the sweetness and love Bo Xiang adored so much.
“I am dead serious about Bo Xiang. Because he is kind, clever and funny. And mostly because he loves me so much. It might sound corny but his love is so pure and warm and breathtakingly beautiful that I still can’t understand myself how I could deny him for even one second.” He could feel a rush of love running all over his body. He was basking in a warm ray of love.
“Do we have a pretty big age gap? Yes, totally. And i don’t understand how, but it just works between us. Maybe because he is more mature than his actual age and i am more childish. I don’t know. I just know that I like myself more when I am with him. And that’s a really special feeling. Sorry for not giving a crap what other people might think. We belong together and it’s as easy as that.”
Bo Xiang was trying his hardest not to start squeaking in his hiding spot. But all these tiny bits of happiness, Zhi Gang produced with every little word of his, were threatening to overflow. How could he have doubted him? He should have known better.
But it seemed even a Sun Bo Xiang can have a wobbly confidence moment. And this time Zhi Gang was the determined one…
Bo Xiang’s head fell back with a tiny sigh on his lips, before he started to hear steps coming closer. He pressed himself a bit further behind the bamboo and prayed to all deities above that he was not found.
Ten very deep and awkward breaths later the hallway was all quiet again. Bo Xiang carefully peeked his head out from behind the plant and with a sigh of relief he noticed that he was once more alone. He quickly got to his feet and started to walk back to their banquet table.
With every step he could feel his heart being lifted more and more. Zhi Gang’s words were still ringing in his ears, in his heart and he just couldn’t get enough of it. He knew that Zhi Gang loved him. He was not stupid. There was no way in hell that Zhi Gang would do anything he didn’t want to do as well. So Bo Xiang knew that he meant something to his boyfriend. Because otherwise he would have never given in. Not in a thousand years.
But there was still always this tiny niggeling voice in the back of his head. Well, and on some days that voice was not that tiny anymore and made him doubt everything. So hearing that Zhi Gang was so sure about them was like a sip of heaven.
He couldn’t believe how much he needed to hear him say it. But hearing the words Bo Xiang understood how much he actually had had to hear them.
Because he now knew. He knew that Zhi Gang was invested just like he himself was. They both had given their heart as a pawn for their love and it made Bo Xiang happier then he ever thought he could have been.
Zhi Gang loved him…
When he finally sat down next to his boyfriend again, he couldn’t hide the huge smile on his face.
“Where were you?” Zhi Gang asked him with big, almost anxious eyes.
“I just needed to catch from air.” He answered with a ridiculous amount of love in his eyes. He was sure of it. Zhi Gang put his head to the side sightly and smiled a small, confused smile.
“Are you okay?” He asked the younger man with a hint of worry in his eyes.
“Don’t worry. Never better.” Bo Xiang grinned and even had the nerve to wink at him. With an amused shake of his pretty head Zhi Gang finally turned back to the conversation at the table while Bo Xiang just looked on, the smile never leaving his face.
He was loved… And that was all that mattered,
Your Heart's Content 