To start this blog correctly I have to explain something straight away: I have been in the BL game for A LONG TIME. I remember us sitting in front of the television, finger on our VCR, waiting for the two seconds the gay couple in some show got five seconds screen time and we all had to jump on it like crazy people. Back then showing skinship was a thing that almost never happened. If we were lucky, we got a kiss. IF WE WERE LUCKY!
But I won’t lie, sometimes the difference between a gay couple and two straight best friends where not recognisable and it didn’t matter if these two guys were alone together or even in bed together. God forbid that these two guys might just lay in each other’s arms while fully clothed and under a blanket. No, we got mainly depiction of gay relationships that had as much skinship as Sesame Street. Well, I think, even in Sesame Street there was more hugging and holding hands than ever in our shows back in the day.
So with this little explanation out of the way let us go back to present times. Because boy, have things changed. We still have shows where skinship is not really present, but we also have shows with a skinship part that lets your ears burn bright red. Shows like Together With Me, Tharn/Type or currently Don’t Say No talk to much about sex and skinship and are not shying away to show us these sizzling hot scenes either. And I for one am totally here for it.
But recently there have been some voices in the BL community who are not happy with this new development. They complain that sex is just the only thing people are interested in these days and the producers of these shows are just after the shockeffect or they are neglecting storylines in favour of just showing two guys kissing. Often these shows and their consumers are getting criticised that they are just turning our wonderful genre into a form of soft porn genre almost.
I for one always felt extremely different about this and today I just wanted to take a minute to talk about why I don’t mind this new trend and why there is maybe even an awesome chance for some more equality between the different sexual orientations.
Because the first thing coming to mind, when I hear people complain about the sex scenes showing in our shows is, that here in my country (Germany, but not just here really) we see more sexual content during an afternoon daily soap. Well, at least if it’s a hetero sexual couple, that is shown. We see underwear, we see kissing, we see rolling around a bed. We even see nudity. So I always wondered why sex scenes between heterosexual couples are okay for normal television but as soon as two guys kiss it’s suddenly a 18 plus show.
Because if we look at shows like Together With Me for example. Yes, the sex scenes in that show were so wonderful and awesome and I think the whole community got almost a heart attack when it came out. It was so new, it was so different, but if you look close enough then you see that the scenes, if it would have been performed by a heterosexual couple, would be fitting for a show or movie with a 13 plus rating. But we would be nowhere near 18 plus. So why not have the same right for any portrayal of legal sexual activity. Why do we have to base this on the gender of the people participating?
But I am losing my train of thought here. So back to our critics in our own ranks. Another thing I often hear in the BL community is that these sex scenes take away from the “real” love between these characters and that people are just making these love stories cheap by including these sex scenes.
And here again, this old woman has to wonder. Because sex is part of love. Sex is part of (not every) relationship. It’s okay if people don’t like sex or want to have a sexless relationship. I think we as a society have come far enough to allow people to live in any relationship form they are happy in. But just over this we shouldn’t forget that sex is part of most relationships. Sex and skinship take place in almost all relationships in one form or the other and I for one love the fact that we allow now our boys in our shows the same.
For me again it’s not even about the real sex scenes most of the time. Yes, they are hot. Yes, I like them. But for me the biggest shift that this whole skinship development produced is that we allow our couples now to be tender and loving with each other. If it’s about cuddling together after sex, if it’s just the quick peck goodbye or the lazy chilling out on the couch while an impossible amount of limbs are tangled together.
That’s the skinship I am totally getting excited about, because for me that’s how a relationship in most cases looks like. And we have allowed this kind of portrayal for heterosexual couples for decades. So now seeing the same in BL is just so heart warming to see. Just because two men are together doesn’t mean they just have to behave like best buddies who occasionally have sex with each other, but please behind closed doors and the only way we, as the audience, are allowed to know about it, is if we really start imagining things ourselves.
One example here for me would be Sotus. I mean, we all know what a hardcore fan of the show I am. Krist and Singto are just so perfect together as a couple and I am such a huge fan. But one thing I always hated was the fact that they pretty much portray these two guys like non sexual beings. Like sex didn’t even factor into their relationship at all. And that I find extremely silly and stupid. Because these two love each other, have been together for years, they even live together sometimes, sleeping together in one bed. But not ONCE (just during the extra interview in Sotus S) they discussed anything regarding the physical side of love. And I think that is cutting things a bit short.
I for one normally don’t mind it that much because I have a working brain and I can just imagine how their relationship would have been as a whole without people watching. But there are still people who really need to see everything spelt out to them to a t and who still to this day believe that Kongpob and Arthit never had sex. Which might be true, one of them could be asexual, and that would also be fine. But then talk about it as well. Make it a discussion.
Because sex belongs to love. Sex is one of the most intimite things you can share with a person and it makes the connection between two people special. Sex is something to be celebrated because it’s really a beautiful and wonderful thing. And that’s the same for sex in a same sex relationship. It just belongs to a love story like peanut butter and jam.
I understand that not everyone is a big fan of skinship or they don’t want any sex scenes in BL at all. And that is fair enough. It’s where our genre came from and it definitely has a place with us. I mean, look at bromances and how much people still love them. Or look at A Tale Of A Thousand Stars. They didn’t even kiss in the original skipt and I am pretty sure we all would have been okay with no kiss at all as well. Because it just fits.
But I don’t think shaming these other kinds of BLs and their fans is really the right step forward. Sex is not a bad thing and love and sex belong together. So a genre that is based on love stories just have to include the discussion about sex sometimes. I mean, we don’t need every show with risky sex scenes like Tharn/Type. But what’s the trouble with having some of them here and there? They are definitely not the norm and I don’t think they ever will be. We always will have these totally innocent storylines where they just look at each other very longingly while we will sit in front of our telly sighing happily along with them.
But having shows where they show skinship and where they show a more realistic portrayal of sex in a relationship…. That’s also totally important and we shouldn’t shun them at all. The comparison with soft porn always makes me giggle because I am pretty sure whoever makes this comparison has never seen a porn in their life. Which is okay as well, but maybe then don’t compare tomatoes with oranges, if you never have eaten an orange in your life.
One really awesome example of working skinship right now is Don’t Say No for me. I know it’s gotten tons and tons of criticism about their way of portraying the skinship and I heard people complain about them just wanting to do the cheap sex scenes because they can’t do anything else. But here I couldn’t disagree more. Because the whole point of this show IS the skinship.
We have two best friends who have been in love with each other forever. They already know everything about each other, they already have spent so much time together that the usual “getting to know each other” phase we usually see in BL is totally obsolete. This story is about two best friends navigating their relationship when suddenly the component sex is thrown into the mix. What is okay to do right now? Can I hold his hand? Am I allowed to kiss him? I think everyone who ever had a relationship in RL knows these feelings, knows how nerve wracking and exciting this is at the same time. It’s a beautiful thing, which also can cause so many issues and you need to start finding new ways of talking to each other.
So for me Don’t Say No is not just about the crew and actors showing us two good looking guys rolling around their bed just to make a quick coin. For me this show is about two friends navigating sex and a relationship after finally becoming a couple. I find this so interesting and intriguing and I am so glad that they produced this series.Yes, there are definitely some flaws as well. But come one. The point where they discussed the use of sex toys? That’s so awesome. Because again… Pretty real.
I don’t mind our shows sometimes not being the most realistic ones. I don’t mind having shows where two guys keep just looking at each other with longing stares like we did in middle school. If the storyline is good, I am always here for it.
But I think just shunning all skinship and saying this is just a cheap way to produce some form of softcore porn? No, that’s definitely not where I believe our genre should move to. I really believe that bringing sex with into the equation just makes our love stories more realistic and more based in truth then the other way around.
So why not enjoy the whole spectrum that BL can offer you? Why not enjoy the innocent school boys falling for each other who are too shy to even hold hands? Why not also enjoy a couple showing their love and affection in the oldest way possible? With their bodies.
Sex is a wonderful thing. And we should stop making it seem like something nasty and unpleasant. Because it isn’t. As long as sex and love belong together, sex and BL also do.
First posted on BLDA
Your Heart's Content 